Finding Momentum

You can't go back again

There’s no turning back. When that big Parenthood Switch flips on in your life, you are tossed into every conceivable life change you can imagine. Your time is no longer your own. Your sleep is interrupted, infrequent and faked. Money flies away faster than you can say Baby Wipes On Amazon Prime. Your little one, bless his dear heart, happens to be a fearsome night terror, the cutest man on the face of the planet, and the darkest mystery you will ever encounter.

There’s no turning back, because when you despair (and you will despair often), you will remember that this is your lot and your duty. The love you expected to flow freely merely trickles out of a finite well that runs dry against the pressures of life. Your partner and you will fight over the stupidest, littlest idiotic things.

There is no turning back. This is irreversible. His life is in your hands. His character depends on yours.

You will find yourself thirsting for Jesus, his miraculous power, and his healing mercy. You don’t need it in some abstract, storybook manner. You need it fiercely, powerfully and sharply now. You need that healing to flow into the veins of your little one, because as he writhes in pain in front of you you can’t help but feel like the smallest man on the planet, powerless, fearfully and shudderingly angry. But how can you be angry at the little man? You tell yourself to think rationally - it’s not his fault. You wonder if fathers often feel angry at their infants when they cry, and feel very low.

Life with the little one is full of fun, joy, smiles, and funny moments. But the lows are lower than you had ever expected. There is no going back now, but there is nothing you can do. All you can do is pray. You can take care of yourself. Your family supports you with a sacrificial love. Your partner is heroic, but she too silently bites her tongue. You have a long road ahead.

You wish you were somewhere else, but that would be pitifully small. There is no turning back.